Sugarcane

You stumble into the bathroom. You kinda stink from last night... you could probably stand to [[shower|Shower]], or at least [[shave|Shave]] (yes, even if you're a woman).

Thinking quickly, you blow the dust off of the vent cover before removing it. No sense in getting yourself covered in dust before you head in to work.\n\nOf course, you totally underestimated just how much dust was on that piece of shit. The resultant cloud billows out and fills the room, and you find you're having trouble [[breathing|EndingDustChoke2]]...

"HELP! SOMEONE HELP ME! I THINK I'M BLEEDING OUT!"\n\nYou keep at this for a little while, maintaining pressure on the cut. It's definitely not going to stop bleeding on its own, so you really need one of your... elderly... neighbors... to hear you...\n\n...SHIT.\n\nSure enough, you hear someone from below you shouting:\n\n"WHAT? FIRE?! QUICK, EVERYBODY OUT, THERE'S A FIRE!"\n\n...the fire alarm drowns out your enthusiastic swearing as the entire building empties out, leaving you to bleed out.\n\nThe End

You wait a few seconds for whoever called to finish leaving their message, then frantically enter your password and wait...\n\n"Hello? Yes, this is Beth from Accounting, and the CEO instructed me to inform you that your tardiness has led to immediate termination."\n\n...SHIT.\n\n"Unfortunately, it looks like you fell just a week short of getting severance. But good luck in the job hunt! ~CLICK~"\n\n...DOUBLE SHIT. Well, at least now you don't have to go to work today. Still half-asleep, you stagger to the window and look [[outside|EndingMeteor]], hoping that at least it's a nice day out.

Your alarm rings.\n\nYour eyes open, and you stare at the red numbers of doom.\n\n7:30 am\n\nDammit, it's time for work. If you don't [[get ready for work|Bathroom]], you're going to be late.\n\nYour eyes monentarily alight on the [[snooze button|Snooze]]. Maybe just a few more minutes of sleep.

...Nope, looks like you can't stop the bleeding yourself.\n\nOn the bright side, by the time you realize it, you're too light-headed to really care. So you just bleed out.\n\nThe End

Unfortunately, you didn't realize just how tied up in your own bedsheets you were. As soon as get up to leave the bed, you get caught up in the sheet tied around your leg.\n\nThis causes the sheet around your arm to tighten, pulling your arm around and causing you to instinctively make a fist, as if to fend off whatever attacker has you snared. Unfortunately, this just makes it that much more painful when the complicated system of tangled bedsheets results in you punching yourself in the face.\n\nYou immediately lose consciousness from the impact, and in tumbling out of the bed, the sheet wrapped around your chest slips up around your neck, quietly strangling you to death.\n\nThe End

You set your foot down on the gas, and don't let up. The glass pane factory goes whizzing by, and you find yourself ducking between delivery trucks.\n\nAbout a mile outside of your office, you see a truck from the factory have a blowout in front of you. The back gate of the truck flies open, and you watch in horror as several huge panes of glass come sliding out, immediately shattering into nice and thick shrapnel as they hit the highway. You close your eyes, [[bracing for impact|EndingHeartAttack2]].

You crank up the hot water. Lately, you've needed to push the knob all the way to the limit in order to get anything, so you do that again.\n\nThe water heats up faster than normal, and you smile, thinking they've finally fixed the problem. Then it keeps heating up.\n\nBy the time you've realized the magnitude of the problem, you're already covered in third-degree burns. You pass out from the pain and drown in inch-deep shower water.\n\nThe End

You fumble around under the bed for your phone, but realize that the sound is coming from [[somewhere else|GetPhoneVent]].\n\n...in the process, you [[scratch yourself|EndingTetanus]] on a nail sticking out of the bedframe's underside.

You throw clothes on (they don't match), and sprint to your car. Time to burn some rubber!\n\nIt's just a matter of which way to go, the shortcut that runs by the [[glass pane factory|EndingHeartAttack]], or the slightly longer route that goes [[through the park|EndingRabidDeer]].

You sprint out of the bathroom, knowing that if you can just locate your phone and dial an ambulance, you've got a good shot of surviving. Hell, you can probably still make it into work on time if they get here quickly.\n\n...unfortunately, the pool of blood that had been pooling under you was a bit bigger than you realized. You slip, do a header into the doorframe, and immediately fall unconscious.\n\nShockingly, the blunt trauma kills you instead of the blood loss.\n\nThe End

You go back to sleep.\n\nYour eyes open, and you stare at the glowing red numbers of doom.\n\n11:34 am\n\n...shit. Your alarm didn't go off like it was supposed to. But then what woke you up?\n\nYou recognize your phone's ringtone, ringing from [[somewhere under the bed|GetPhone]]. How the hell did it get down there?\n\nNo matter, you've got to get to work. No time to get ready, [[just go|EndingTangledUp]]!

Could Be Worse

It's just a scratch on your arm, but it hurts like no other. Whatever, you can find your phone later, it's just time to get rolling [[out the door|EndingTetanus2]].

...fortunately, it looks like all the glass hit the highway and just shattered into small enough pieces that you can keep driving. The truck pulls off to the side of the road safely, and somehow the broken glass doesn't even puncture your tires.\n\nNice!\n\n...of course, this just makes it that much more disappointing when you pull into the office lot and suffer a sudden, debilitating heart attack. Too many cheeseburgers, what can I say?\n\nThe End

In the moments before you asphyxiate, you think to yourself... if only I'd cleaned out those vents!\n\nAt least you didn't have to go into work covered in dust.\n\nThe End

You turn on the cold water, and the shock causes you to stagger in the shower... right onto the bar of soap you swore you were going to pick up last night.\n\nOf course, you didn't. So you go crashing into the wall of the shower, dislodging a bunch of crappy tile and knocking yourself out. You drown in inch-deep shower water.\n\nThe End

You look outside, just in time to see what can only be described as a large fireball headed directly for your apartment building.\n\nOn the bright side, the meteorite that tore through your apartment and killed you was later determined to be the largest meteorite found in modern times!\n\nThe End

In a fit of rage, you hurl your phone across the room. As it explodes against the wall, you shout at it. You know, like a reasonable person.\n\n"YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT PHONE, I CAN'T BELIEVE---"\n\nYou're cut off mid-rage as a shard of your shattered phone's screen rockets back across the room, piercing through your right lung faster than you can blink.\n\nUnfortunately, since you were in the middle of shouting, you're already pretty much out of air. You immediately fall to the ground, finish asphyxiating, and die.\n\nThe End

You turn on the shower. You probably don't have time to run the [[hot water|EndingHotWater]], since the heater in your building has been acting up lately.\n\nYou could always just go for a [[cold shower|EndingSlip]].

You frantically dial the number for the head of HR... maybe you can plead your case if you can just talk to a person.\n\n...no dice. It looks like nobody's paying attention to the phones this morning, and a minute later you get fed up with your company's automated responses.\n\nNow it's just a matter of [[getting into the office|CarLate]] and explaining yourself. Goddamn [[phone|EndingThrowPhone]], if it had been louder you wouldn't have slept through it... or something.

...SHIT.\n\nOf course, you immediately cut yourself. Pretty bad, in fact.\n\nYou can probably just [[stop the bleeding|EndingBleedOut]] yourself. Or maybe it's bad enough to [[call an ambulance|Dial911]].

You trace the sound to the vent by your bed. How the hell did your phone fall down there?\n\nWhatever, time to [[fish it out|GetPhoneForReal]]. Nevermind the [[dust|EndingDustChoke]].

You reach for your phone, but realize that it's not where you left it. What the hell?\n\nYou consider just starting to shout, and [[hope that a neighbor hears you|EndingFire]]. Or you could go [[look for your phone|EndingSlipInBlood]].

You throw your clothes on and nearly make it to the door of your building before your jaw starts feeling stiff. Weird, but no trouble, it's not like anyone at work expects you to talk anyway.\n\nWhen you reach your car, you feel your entire body lock up. You're dimly aware that your muscles are spasming uncontrollably, but then the HyperTetanus mercifully ends your suffering.\n\nThe End

Well, the route through the park might be slightly longer, but you've got a bad feeling about that glass pane factory anyway.\n\nYour drive seems uneventful, until an obviously-rabid deer comes crashing out of the brush beside the road. It sees your car, and charges.\n\n...SHIT.\n\nYou are instantly killed as the deer's antlers crash through the windshield and impale you. Fortunately, animal rescue is able to save the deer, and the deer later becomes instrumental in efforts to develop a foolproof vaccine for rabies.\n\nThe End

Stephen Hmiel

You shove your arm down the vent, immediately covering yourself in disgusting dust of unknown origin. It's like someone shaved a cat and dumped it all in here.\n\nAfter groping around in the vent for a few seconds, you grasp your phone and triumphantly yank it out of there... just as the call goes to [[voicemail|ListenVoicemail]]. SHIT.\n\n...even better, it was from work. DOUBLE SHIT. Maybe you should just [[call them|CallWork]] and let them know you're on your way?