They call your name. You nervously walk on stage as the audience members give an unenthusiastic applause. As you approach the microphone, you try to remember your first joke. [[So, did you ever hear the one about...|The One About]] [[What's the deal with...|The Deal]] [[How come you never see a dog with...|A Dog]]"So did you ever hear the one about the left shoe who was murdered? The right one was the SOLE SURVIVOR." A woman groans loudly and shouts "seriously?!" [[Aw come on, don't give me the BOOT!|Audience Jeers]] [[Maybe you need to HEEL a bit after that one, eh? HEEL?|Audience Jeers]] [[Would someone SNEAK 'ER out of here?|Audience Jeers]]"What's the deal with subway grates? You know? You walk over them, and you get this warm wind woosh over your body like, "WOOOOOSH" and it's like, suddenly you go from New York City to the tropics except that instead of a tropical breeze it's gross subway air and instead of a pina colada it's pigeon crap." Members of the audience shift uncomfortably in their seats. [[What, you guys have never been to New York?|Audience Jeers]] [[Get it? Pigeon Crap?|Audience Jeers]] [[Don't even get me started on the rats.|Audience Jeers]]"How come you never see a dog with a sad disposition? All dogs, they're all just so happy all the time. Just running around, not a care in the world, like there's nothing in their way. Why can't more people be like dogs, you know?" You emulate a dog run, but unsure how to finish the joke, you quickly stop and stand behind the microphone. The audience is not amused. A couple near the front gets up and walks out, muttering to each other under their breath. [[What, not fans of situational comedy? THIS IS REAL COMEDY, PEOPLE.|Audience Jeers]] [[Yeah, I don't get it either.|Audience Jeers]] [[Cat people, huh?|Audience Jeers]] The audience looks uncomfortable, many staring at their phones. You hear several audience members audibly sigh, and one guy in the back flips you off. This could be going better. Quick, come up with another joke. [[Let me tell you about the time...|The time]] [[There once was a guy from Nantucket...|Nantucket]] [[Knock Knock!|Knock Knock]]Double-click this passage to edit it."Let me tell you about the time I went on the worst date of my life. It started out all warm and cozy but then all of a sudden everything got real weird and I suddenly got shoved out of my comfort zone and into this really bright hospital room and it wasn't a date at all, it was the day I was born." A man in the back, exasperated, says loudly, "You've GOT to be kidding me." [[Well, that's the point, isn't it?|Audience Angry]] [[Not into babies, are we?|Audience Angry]] [[I'm sorry I lied about the date part.|Audience Angry]]"There once was a guy from Nantucket. He loudly demanded a bucket. He needed to puke But it was a fluke He something that rhymes with a bucket." A small child stands on her chair and shouts "YOU SUCK!" [[Who even taught you to say that?|Audience Angry]] [[Tell your parents to take you home!|Audience Angry]] [[That's hurtful, little girl.|Audience Angry]]"Knock knock!" The audience glares at you. "I said KNOCK KNOCK." An audience member stands up and shouts, "GET OFF THE STAGE, YOU'RE NOT FUNNY!" [[Get off the stage you're not funny who?|Audience Angry]] [[YEAH? Well at least your face is funny enough for both of us!|Audience Angry]] [[I'm honestly quite hurt by that.|Audience Angry]] Everyone in the audience begins rustling for their things, looking for the nearest exit. In a desperate attempt to save your show, you fumble with the microphone as you try to come up with a funnier joke, but instead the microphone just squeals with feedback. The audience recoils, and nearly everyone runs for the door. One single audience member remains in the crowd. You walk over to sit down next to her. [[Thanks for not leaving|thanks]]You did your best.